Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Crazy 07/13/2010

Your everywhere I look
but I can't remember your face.
Your name burns my tongue
so I dare not speak.
I don't even know you
but I can't forget you.
It's becoming a sick obsession
that I don't want to go away.
My mind is racing, Im concerned
I want to hold you,
but you won't let me in.
I would stand in the rain forever
walk a million miles in the heat
Just to see your crazy smile
and hear nice things
that I know you don't mean.
Im so sick of being numb,
and you take that away,
I would rather feel pain forever
than nothing at all.
So, I will stay in my peaceful
happy hallucination as long as I can,
and you will be everywhere I look.

Pieces of Me/ 2010



I would let you fall to pieces in my arms

And paste you back together again.

Piece by Piece I will make it all better.

Add some color and a smile.

Erase the past you don't want

and Create New memories you will love.

It would be a fun adventure

If only you would give in

It was there for a second

That desire to be free

It's scary to finally fall

But so worthwhile

In the end, you will be aware of

How alive you really Are.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

It was always You

It's 10 pm and where are you.
I need you now,
need to hear you again.
Your voice, it rings in my ears
like I'm dreaming outloud.
The memories are flashing round,
one picture at a time.
I see you squint and draw a smirk,
draw in your bottom lip
to speak my name.
You say you understand,
but will your heart explode
at the thought of losing again.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Whoa there Wind!

Okay, so I know it's been like 3 years since I've lived or even been to Galveston, but I still feel a connection with that silly little island. I have always wanted to live there, I'm not sure why, I would still live there if given the opportunity, not really sure about that one either. There is really nothing there to entice someone to jump up and move. And now...another reason. The same reason that forced me to leave. A huge Hurricane! My father has always told me that I was crazy for wanting to live that close to the ocean, especially Galveston. He has predicted that there would be a big big big storm there in my lifetime. He said if there was one like it before there will always be another and probably of greater significance. Well, Let's just Welcome Ike! There's not much to do but welcome him. It's too late for those souls who officials pleaded desperately to get leave. It's all up to God, because Ike will not leave!
I tired to ignore this storm for a week. I would hear it or see it on the news and change the channel thinking they were exaggerating the significance of the warnings. I went about my own business not giving it much thought, I didn't have to, I don't live there anymore. Well, he has decided to invade pretty much all of Eastern Texas. I moved back here so not to deal with hurricanes, only to find out...Ike will flood my streets, possibly destroy my roof that is hanging on by its last thread, knock over trees (possibly the old oak tree hovering over my blue car that can't be moved because the starter went out!) and cause tornadoes to sporadically pop up without warning. As I type this, we are under a tornado warning. The last tornado I was in, I was about 7 months pregnant with my O, eating at a Sonic drive in. The sirens went off, we ran out of our truck and into the freezer's of the Sonic. So...I'm a little emotional (what's new) and a little nervous.
So back back to the hurricane part. I tried all day to ignore the signs of panic. People were flooding the streets with their cars in our quiet little town. Where did all these people come from? South Texas of course, the hurricane I have desperately try to ignore thinking maybe if I didn't know about it, it wouldn't happen, has arrived. So, I still went about my business, and was fine until I went to fill the car up. Pulled into the Brookshire's to see signs posted on every pump. "Out Of Gas". OMG,. That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach came over me. So, I spun the car around to go back to the nearest gas station...and waited and waited. Finally my turn, and I actually got gas! So...that really wasn't that bad. I remembered I needed milk for my O. So we went back down the street to Brookshire's, which I thought was abnormally busy for our quiet little town. I went in, got one of the 2 buggies still there, went straight for the milk were there was 2 half gallons left of whole milk. There was other milk left, but not whole. So then I went to grab a gallon of water to make the kids kool aide, there was none. Okay... still gulping, trying to fight back that sick feeling. I went to get some hamburger meat for diner. There was none. So, I decided to check out and go home. I was still successful at choking back that feeling until it came time to cross the bridge to go home. There it was...that feeling, and seeing the big lake and crossing that bridge, that was it! My tears came streaming down my face, and I thought I was going to be sick. I couldn't stand the thought of mass panic. My memories of living through a hurricane before all came back. It wasn't a big hurricane. None of my stuff destroyed. My apartment set right across from the seawall, and nothing major happened. But the fear that was put in us to leave the island. The sight of everything being boarded up and the lawn chairs in the bottom of the pool. Sitting at a gas pump for over an hour and finally getting your turn to be turned away because there was no more gas. Having my $80 pay check from the restaurant and spending $60 in gas and giving the other $20 to a man stranded begging for gas money. Making a 16 hour drive that would normally take 4 hours. The memory of coming home to a smelly apartment with no electricity and sand everywhere. Going to Walmart to pick up a few things to eat and cleaning supplies to get going again and seeing people fighting over a box of instant potatoes, merchandise scattered all over the floors, and bare grocery shelves. It was mass panic, and it was scary. It was more than scary. It was a living nightmare.
So tonight, as I finally force myself to see these pictures and start to realize the destitute that awaits our friends, families, co-workers, acquaintances, strangers we have smiled at, I feel that feeling all over again. My heart cries tonight for all the souls that did not take this warning. Tomorrow it will be on the news, and possibly for weeks, but years down the road...will people remember? Will they remember that they were warned. Will they take the next warning seriously? Just because it hasn't happened thus far in your lifetime, doesn't mean to ignore warnings so dire.

Friday, August 29, 2008

A Texas girl in the world of L.A.

If you haven't found my sister's blog from my blog roll list yet, you should check out this little tid bit she wrote! She is an excellent writer, or so I believe! I just love how she is so blatantly honest, yet I hate to say 'Conservative' but well, yeah, You will just have to read on to see what I mean! Give those girls a good ole' "howdy" from your big sis here in TX would ya! Remind them there are still people with morals around! Here's her link right HERE!!

Monday, August 25, 2008

I need a break!

So my Husband works, I don't. He gets up once every morning to get ready and go to work. I get up multiple times with our daughter to help her go back to sleep. He works very hard outside in the heat. I play in the sand, roll in the grass, splash in the pool, play chase. He works 5 days a week. I work a 24/7 never ending shift. He's an electrician, I'm an entertainer, chef, personal assistant, comforter, room service attendant, referee, well, lets just say I'm a mom. The job never leaves me, or I never leave my job. I love my children, very much, and most women would say they wouldn't change a thing, however, I I'm not most women. I would change one thing. I would have one 'night' off a week. I would like to sleep through the night without having to get up for midnight leg cramps, the 'I'm hungries', changing diapers, and chasing away ghosts. I wake up several times a night to ear piercing shrills coming from the baby's room, yeah, ear piercing, they used to be cute and sweet, now they are starting to get to me. Now is the time I'm wondering 'why did we want kids again?'

You would think it would be as easy as asking ones said husband to help out just one night on the weekends. Been There, Tried That Multiple Times, Several Different Ways. Last one week. That's it. ONE WEEK! Honestly does he think that's all I deserve? ONE night off an entire week for like what 3 months before I break down again!! We have come to agreements, we have talked this over, I have BEGGED! Still, I sit here right now 1:26 am, with a screaming baby. Every night, same routine.

You would think, hey, maybe ONE night on one of his 2 days off he could be the person to get up and take care of the fussy one, but nope, Monday-Thurs., he needs his rest to work 8-5. Friday when he gets in, he needs to relax and sleep in or wake up early and show me how capable and easy it would be for ME to get the trash out, wash a load of clothes, pick up the kitchen, wash the dishes, all before 9am. Yeah! Saturday morning, he's up EARLY cleaning! Not quietly sneaking around as I would if he were still asleep, but banging pots and pans, stepping hardly on the floor as if to slam it in my face what I should be doing every single day. So that brings us to Saturday night, maybe he can help on Saturday evening? NO, he must get his fishing 'gear' lined up and in order to go fishing the next morning. What about Saturday night? You probably already guessed, he has to get his rest Saturday night as well, so that he can go fishing early in the morning. Maybe after that when he gets in from fishing, he can hang out with the kids while I run to the store? No way, we are out of milk, and he doesn't want to 'entertain' a fussy baby, how do I expect him to do that?

So right now, as I right this you would think I'm pissed, livid, infuriated! Nope, I'm none of these, but I am one thing. I am an overworked, very tired, worn out, sleep deprived, caffeine inhaler, Exhausted mom! And, I feel I'm getting my point through right now as I am writing this at 1 in the morning. While my daughter is SCREAMING in her room, my husband is tossing and turning. I can hear the footsteps back and forth to her room, and I can also almost hear the puzzlement in his expression. The shear joy of hearing his footsteps go back and forth, and hear the words, "I don't know what to do" is almost enough for me. It's almost enough to not need a night off. I probably won't bring up the discussion again for a while with him that I need some time off...I may just keep this up for a week or two until he caves. Maybe he can have his breaking moment and understand that I don't just stay at home all day eating ice cream, watching movies, surfing the Internet, talking to friends. No, That's what I squeeze in during naps, along with washing clothes, picking up toys, writing blogs, searching for ways to make groceries and other items cost less, etc. My list goes on and on for what I do on a daily basis. Honestly, it doesn't bother me to get up at night with our daughter, in fact I can actually do it in my sleep now! However, I feel I'm at a breaking point where my husband has just forgotten how easy he has it. No, I could never do his work, and no I am not willing to stay in the heat, crawl in attics or creepy crawl spaces below a house, but at the same time, I would like for him to understand what I do around here, and what better way than to walk away from a screaming child and let her father attend to her.

Yeah, I am thankful I have a great husband, there are many things he does for us. He is our Provider right now, and I appreciate the privilege of staying at home with our kids, However, there are times when I would like to run to the store Alone! Times when I would like a shower, a real shower, not a 10min. shower, a Shower!

Anyways, enough rambling on, I'm sure you got my point long before now, hopefully one day soon, my husband will too.

Friday, August 22, 2008

My very own personal Tornado!

Yeah, a tornado! I have my very own! It goes with me everywhere, and everything it comes even 5 feet away from somehow finds itself disheveled! Oh, I'm talking about my little Tyler! It doesn't really matter what he touches here lately, as long as its not his, it seems to fall apart! Tonight, it was the neat stack of VHS tapes! Last night, it was dinner on the carpet! I had his sister's room clean, and he was there for about .2seconds, and BAM! WOW! BOOM! What a mess! Now he is old enough to pick up after himself, but I am having a hard time with him actually doing this! When he puts his clothes in the laundry basket, they somehow find their way on the floor right next to the basket, same with trash, on the floor right next to the can! Toys, right next to the toy box...etc. You get the point! I need major help with any ideas on how to actually get these items where they go...and if you have a miracle fix on how to get rid of the complaints, and the 'but whys ' and the 'I don't wannas' Please please please share with me!

School's about to Start!

We had our 'meet the teacher night' last night! My little Tyler was not a bit nervous! Me on the other hand, I was a wreck! We stood patiently waiting for the aides to open the doors to the first grade hallway, what a wait! What only took minutes seemed like hours! Finally the doors were opened, and parents and students rushed the door! You would think we were running in to get the best seats for a concert or something! It was a Mad House! We were informed that our classroom would be the very last door! Very Last door Indeed! My hands started sweating, I could hear my heart racing, and I started to panic! Me! The Mom! I held myself together pretty well, but I was definitely running all the scenario's through my mind of all the possibilities! I started to worry, because I have been the mom that 'requests' my teachers, I stay on top of everything and visit often throughout the year! This year, I didn't request a teacher! First grade is new territory for us! We didn't know any of the teachers, or so we thought! They had done manger moving around this summer! We now have a teacher that was a kindergarten teacher last year! Phew! We make it to the classroom, and wow! She looks nice! She is nice, but this is a first impression! I guess this night is all about sizing up the teacher and vise versa, I think she's doing the same to me! So I kinda feel like an intruder, just waltzing into her classroom! There are 3 kids we know that have already arrived! Thank goodness! Familiar faces! So we are walking around, taking everything in! There is not a single chalk board in the whole classroom! It is all on the computer, which is hooked up to a projection doohickey and displayed on a lighted board where the chalk board belongs! Wow! I'm pretty impressed! The University I attended didn't even have that! They have a reading loft! Tons and tons of books! They have 2 school books already in their desks and Tyler goes straight for them! A reading/phonics book, and a science book with tons and tons of hands on experiments that the teacher assured us we would be doing! Wow 1st grade has changed soooo much! They have their own bathroom and water fountain right there in the classroom! What? I know, we had to raise our hands and ask permission, then wait for an aide to arrive to walk us down the hall to the nearest bathroom! This is great since my Tyler loves to wait til the last min.! So now my nerves are pretty much in order, now I'm excited! *Plus she put cups of candy on each desk!* They opened up the whole school, so we got to walk around and look at everything! We had grandma with us, and she hadn't seen all the classrooms yet either! We got to meet the music/ gt teacher, which is awesome! She showed us around her gt classroom they call 'They academy', It is awesome! They have several computers, different 'stations' and tons and tons of books! We are a book family and Love to Read, so this was a really cool room to us! We saw her music room as well! She had music playing, and stuff laid out that the kids get to do each year! There were crayons on the table, and paper for the kids to color on while waiting on mom and dad, they had hula skirts, and all kinds of noise makers! We visited the library just as they were kicking us out of the school! Wow!

We had a pretty enjoyable evening, and definitely exciting! Now we are ready! We have all our nerves in check, and we can start the year off with a Bang!

We are not starting a new school, though it seems as though we are! They have just done some major remodeling and adding on to our old school!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Biggest Pet Peeve!

I would have to say that my biggest pet peeve is call waiting. I believe it has to be the rudest thing in the world to be having a conversation with someone who has another call coming in, they ask you to hold on, they check it, then decide that the other phone call is more important than the conversation you are having right then. It's rude, inconsiderate, and makes the other person feel less important. I do have call waiting, and the only time I ever switch over is if my husband is calling, and other than that, if it is an emergency, they can call my cell!

Okay, I feel a little better now that I have vented.

Friday, August 8, 2008

My Precious O!

And yes, She is always This Happy!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Whoo hoo! It's Friday!

Here is the most interesting video I have seen in a while! I was driving home the other day listening to our local radio station Q102.1, the Edge, and Jesse was the DJ and she started talking about this video...so I just had to check this out!

People training Crows!! This video shows how smart crows are and how we can take advantage of this and 'train' them to pick up trash and take it to a machine in exchange for a peanut!

You will have to see THIS video to believe it! Just Amazing! It's about 10 Min's long, I know that's kinda long! But this is Just Amazing! That's really all I can say about this!

Hope you enjoy!